The Lazy Procrastinator's Guide to Motorcycle Maintenance

Introduction – Everyone knows newer motorcycles require less maintenance than older ones, and that their engineered service life is longer. Despite those advantages most of us continue to ride our less-than-new machines, and we generally love them and want them to continue to be safe and last as long as possible.

The only thing in life there is a limited supply of is time, which is why it’s so appealing to procrastinate motorcycle maintenance and repair. No matter how good taking care of your bike may feel, this work remains far less fun than actually riding. And despite millions of free ‘how to’ YouTube videos covering the most arcane maintenance and repair procedures, some jobs remain intimidating enough to seldom get done when they should.

With this in mind, and having spent many years diligently acquiring both procrastination expertise and a selection of basic hand tools and shop manuals, here is your guide to deferrable motorcycle maintenance and repairs:

Burned Out Lights – Without a headlight you can’t see at night well enough to ride safely, and without a taillight and brake light those following cannot easily notice you. Lights are important enough to be required by strict vehicle code regulations so if an authority (cop, sheriff, highway patrol, etc) notices, you’ll be pulled over and given a friendly ‘fix-it’ ticket. Fortunately, the correct bulbs needed for repairing lights are near-universal and inexpensive, which means the auto parts store at the corner will have the exact one you need. But for all you lazy procrastinators, replacing burned-out instrument and turn signal lights may be postponed just about forever, especially if you seldom ride after dark (and don’t mind taking on a bit of additional risk when turning). Bulb replacement is screwdriver plug-and-play simple on many models but for headlights buried beneath layers of plastic inside complicated fairings check YouTube videos before beginning. Lastly, be careful not to over-tighten the tiny screws holding taillight bulb-covering lenses in place because some of those are easy to crack this way.

Marginal and ‘Iffy’ Brakes – This is another item which cannot be put off for long and is intimidating for many DIY mechanics. Yes, you can get by for a while with only one working brake (or forever if you ride an old-school chopper) but all riding experiences are vastly improved when both brakes are spot-on. Changing brake pads or shoes requires ordering the specific part(s) for your make and model, so if you plan on keeping the machine for a while it’s a good idea to have these on hand and ready. Bleeding hydraulic brakes is not difficult after you know how, but if you’ve never done this, you’ll need to watch YouTube tutorial(s) before doing it for the first time. Same for fixing or adjusting old-fashioned cable and rod-controlled brakes, which are common on older bikes.

Engine coolant – Totally procrastinatable unless you have an actively leaking hose or clamp. If that is your situation, you’ll either need to refill as frequently as necessary, or fix the leak. Liquid cooled (and oil-cooled) ICE’s won’t run very long without these fluids. Think of it as blood.

Engine lubricant (oil) – Relatively procrastinatable, unless for some reason you want your machine to meet or exceed its engineered service life. If that is the case you should replace its engine oils with high-quality oils of the correct type slightly more frequently than recommended in the owner’s manual and change the filter (if you bike has one) every time you change the oil, and replace the drain plug ‘crush’ washer with a new one. This is usually a much messier job than you think it will be, which is why it is so easily procrastinated. First, you need to gather the correct amount and type of oil, the correct filter, gaskets, or ‘O’ rings, plus an oil drain pan, a funnel, and a roll of paper towels. In a perfect world it is also nice to have some way to safely lift your bike a couple of feet off the garage floor to make the job a bit easier on your body.

That’s all one extreme. On the other hand, you never actually need to change the oil at all if you don’t mind a gross tarry sludge developing inside the engine. Just occasionally check the level and add more when needed. Your cheapness and procrastination probably won’t lead to any bad short-term consequences, but you should still plan to find someone gullible enough to buy your prematurely worn-out bike after you’ve enjoyed it for a few years. How long you want your bike to last is your choice. Bikes do not feel pain the way we do.

Transmission and gear oil – On some machines this may be separate from engine oil, but follows similar rules and procedures. Simply monitor the level and add more of the correct kind whenever needed. If you are a lazy procrastinator, you may ignore this just about forever because unless there is an obvious leak somewhere, the level almost never goes down.

Chain oil – Again, like engine and transmission oil this also is quite procrastinatable, especially if the chain is an ‘O’ ring type with internally ‘lifetime’ lubricated link pins and bushings. On those, what wears out fastest are the individual link rollers and the teeth on the sprockets. Your bike will stay a lot cleaner if you decide to never lubricate those rollers and chainrings and when they finally do wear out it will be obvious – all the teeth become hook-shaped nubs and the bike won’t go. If you must lubricate, again there are two extremes: A cheap and messy way is to generously goop on stinky 90wt gear lube. The expensive and not-quite-as-messy way is to regularly carefully apply a great product like BelRay Super Clean chain lube. The working life difference between ‘no-lube and ‘good lube’ practices may be measured in miles. Thousands.

Valves and spark plugs – Totally procrastinatable, especially on Japanese bikes for reasons which are too complicated to explain here. Plus, changing and adjusting plugs and valves is complex enough to be seriously difficult to do well unless you are experienced. If you must know how, watch a YouTube tutorial on your particular bike and learn how to do these jobs correctly. You’ll be supporting Alphabet Inc, and all those who took the time to make these videos.

General Broken and worn-out parts – Usually procrastinatable. For example, dented steering head bearings will not stop anyone from riding, but they can make handling a bit less precise. Same for swing arm bushings. For a procrastinator these may be left this way for years, and if you are like most riders, you will barely feel it. Similarly, a slowly leaking fuel line, fork seal or carburetor may be ignored almost until the end of time. There are only a few notable exceptions, including: If your bike's alternator dies (which is extremely unlikely), you won’t get far without the electricity it makes. And if an ignition coil or CDI system fails, your bike will immediately be dead until these parts have been replaced. With YouTube and some hand tools replacing such things usually isn’t super time consuming and the benefits of doing so are substantial. Your bike will go again.

Wheel bearings – Totally procrastinatable until one day when the affected wheel will stop turning as easily as it should. When a bike’s front wheel has been raised off the ground, if it spins for a good long time after you start it going, you are ok. Unfortunately, you cannot do this simple test with a rear wheel unless you first remove the chain or use a wheel-balancing stand. Expert procrastinators know wheel bearings can be half-bad for years and still work sort of ok, but when they do eventually fail, you’ll have a small mess on your hands. Replacing them can be done using ordinary hand tools. A hammer and a socket extension usually works to pound the bearing out, and the correct size (diameter) socket to fit the outer bearing race when you are ready to pound a new replacement bearing back in. Replace the separate dust seals whenever you replace wheel bearings.

Tires and tubes – Believe it or not this normal wear-item is usually semi-procrastinatable. You can ignore worn tires for a reasonably long time and still be ok, especially if you avoid riding in rain or cornering hard, but remember as tires wear down riding becomes incrementally less safe. Should you happen to be experiencing a slow air leak there are many convenient places and ways to keep adding more compressed air as needed. Separately, riding happily along and then experiencing a sudden tire deflation is no fun at all but it’s usually a survivable ‘adventure’. If your bike uses tube-type tires you shouldn’t completely cheap out on replacing innertubes along with the tires, since they age-deteriorate in ways which will eventually lead to a sudden air loss. I once did this with that result. My story about it is here.

Lastly, a great solution to everything is to simply buy a new bike every year and foist your old one off on some (hopefully gullible) other rider. Again, brand new bikes seldom need any kind of maintenance. The downside of this plan is largely it’s significantly higher cost, both at the outset and for insurance. Plus you’ll miss the joys of neurotically worrying about the bad consequences of all the jobs you have been procrastinating and not doing. So “Ride it like you stole it?”, or “Ride it as if you plan to keep it forever?” Or something in between? It’s your choice because it’s still a (mostly) free country.

Be careful but take a few chances.

-- Mr. Subjective, 2-2022

This blog post is dedicated to my friend Tom, www.geezerwithagrudge.com, who told me a story about his maintenance-procrastinating grandson which inspired this guide.